An Open Letter to My Past Self

When I was fourteen, I didn't want to live past age twenty-one.

I rarely talk about this, especially not so bluntly or so publicly. But today, I felt like I needed to. Seven years ago, I didn't realize what I was feeling wasn't normal. I didn't know it was dangerous. Conversely, I also didn't know anybody else knew what I was feeling or could relate to it. I was torn between the fear that either nobody would understand what I was feeling and so if I opened up, they just wouldn't know what I was saying, and the fear that everybody felt this and it was normal, that feeling like I didn't want to keep living for much longer was a part of life everyone experienced and I just had to suffer through it. I honestly believe that if I didn't have my fiction to pile some of my feelings into, I would have had to face them directly, and might have ended up in a much darker and more dangerous place. 

When I was fourteen, I didn't want to keep living past age twenty-one because I couldn't imagine life as something I could enjoy. I couldn't find joy in anything anymore and I didn't think that would ever change.

But it did. It did change. I'm twenty-one now, and I'm so, so glad that I have many years still ahead of me. The life I once used to dread has become my greatest dream. I've rediscovered the joy that used to evade me constantly. Even with anxiety or caffeine making my heart race right now, sitting on the couch with a cuddly little kitty sleeping on my legs, a fuzzy blanket, a good thick fantasy book, and soft music playing? That's the good life. So, to my past self, I promise, it gets better. You won't be in that darkness forever. You will rediscover what it means to be happy. You won't always face the future with such dread. You will find joy again in the things that used to excite you. It won't always be easy, and in some ways, that darkness will always be with you, but you won't always be in the pitch-dark cave you're in now. You will find a way out into the soft twilight and the cool morning, the darkness just shadows lurking behind bushes and wrong turns on wooded paths. Here's the secret that will keep you going through the darkest night:

It gets better.

So don't give up because you think the rock-bottom you've hit will be the rest of your life. It won't. You will find solace in realizing that the thoughts you live with aren't normal, but they aren't unique either. A fictional character and an author that becomes one of your good friends will help you see that constantly hating yourself isn't normal or healthy but it is something you can walk out of, a pattern you can break. You'll leave the church and pastor that haunt you. You'll find grace in the God that never meant for you to beat yourself up with the Law you were never able to live up to, finally realize that sanctification doesn't mean you're a failure if you're not perfect now that you follow Jesus. Your crazy hormones will come under control, and while they will still mess with your head worse than they probably should, you'll be able to recognize that for what it is. Your health will come more under control, and for the days when it's not, at least you'll know you're not alone in that either. You'll make friends that won't drift away and desert you and be able to handle it when others do. One day, you'll be able to talk about this to others and you won't feel anymore the crushing weight of being alone.

If you're someone who feels like I felt seven years ago, just know that you're not alone. And that this darkness you're feeling isn't all you'll ever feel. It gets better. I won't lie and say that it's always easy, that I'm completely cured and the darkness is completely gone. I can't even say quantitatively what made it better because I don't really know. But life gets better. You will live and love and laugh and dream and you will find happiness again. And you will be so happy you're living to experience it all. Even the darkest times. Even the stress and the anxiety and the college classes that make you want to rip your hair out and the waitressing experiences that leave you in tears and the triggers that remind you of the darkness that still tries to take over sometimes. Because now that you've faced wishing you were no longer there to experience it all, every day that you do experience it is a gift you never thought you'd be glad to have.

And also, just know this: fiction can save lives. It sure saved mine.

All my best,

Addyson

(P.S.: the book series that saved my sanity and probably my life is just amazing and frankly everyone should go check it out right away and yes, I'm not ashamed to make this a post about mental health awareness and a book promo)

Also, if you're ever experiencing thoughts about ending your life or simply wishing it would end by natural causes, don't hesitate to call 988 immediately. Don't be afraid to get help.

In Christian Fantasy, How Far is Too Far?

   I love fantasy. A lot. Some of my favorite stories are fantasy stories: Ilyon Chronicles, Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars (no, Star Wars is not really science fiction, it is a space fantasy, and yes, I will die on this rock). Fantasy, however, can be a mixed bag, full of Lewis knockoffs, Tolkien knockoffs (I swear, if I see one more stuck up nature obsessed absolutely perfect elf race that is so much better than humans in every way, I will throw up), or Star Wars knockoffs. Sometimes if you're especially lucky, you'll find one that is all three at once (Eragon, anyone?). Christian fantasies done well can be world-changing (see stories mentioned above except Star Wars), but done badly can be super cringey. However, worse than bad writing is Christian fantasy that attempts to work in Christianity in some way, shape, or form, but does it in a way that misuses the Bible.

 
   There are many ways to incorporate the Christian faith in a fantasy novel, but there are three different ways that are by far the most common.

1. Transplant the Bible into your fantasy world

   This first option uses a fantasy world but just doesn't change anything about the Bible. Jesus is called Jesus, historical figures like Daniel, King David, and Moses are talked about, etc. This is the option in the type of fantasy referred to as Kingdom Adventure tales and in any fantasies set primarily or exclusively on Earth.

Pros:

No messing with the Bible.

No grey areas.

No blurred lines.

No worries.

Cons:

No magical powers. Obviously, if you're working with the rules of our world, you can't just throw magic in the mix and expect people to be okay with that. If you want something like magic anyway, you'd better have a science gobbledy-gook explanation to pass it off as superpowers or something. Use lots of Latin words and mention anatomy stuff like mitochondria and the blood-brain barrier. Leave no ambiguity. There can be no room in here for demons, because, sadly to say, in this world, there are real things like witches and mediums that aren't always just con artists. 

No races other than humans. Otherwise, your theology gets stretched and weird and it just doesn't work. Bryan Davis tried to put literal dragons in his modern fantasy set on Earth, and he still wanted his characters to go around quoting the Bible and converting people, so he wound up having an ordinary human-dragon kid traveling to literal Hades (which is different from Hell in his books) and becoming a literal Messiah to lead the dragons to redemption because the last Adam-first Adam thing means that Jesus died for the human race (see Answers in Genesis articles about aliens), and without this random half-dragon kid to die for them, the dragons would be stuck in Hades forever. Yeah. Best just to avoid the whole thing. If you still want other races, see the next option.

The more obvious it is that your world is not Earth or a fictional country on Earth (a la Wakanda), the more you stretch your readers' suspense of disbelief. If this is clearly a fantasy world, there needs to be a really good reason why they're using Earth's Bible. You get a little more leeway the younger your target audience is, but if your target audience is teens or up, this obvious break of suspension of disbelief can ruin a story for some readers. 

2. Lewis's Supposal

   Next, you have the Lewis route. That is, you have the Bible and the Christian faith in your world, but everything is called by different names. The Jesus figure might be a lion. Everything is adapted to fit the fantasy world, but it's still clearly the Christian faith.

Pros:

You don't have to stretch readers' suspension of disbelief to the limit.

Your world can have different rules than our world, as long as you don't bump against solid theological rules.

More races! (Just please...no elves. I'm begging you! And if you have to have elves, please, for the love of all that is holy, don't portray them as perfect and more holy and just overall better than humans.)

Your story can be very powerful with this supposal
More freedom with world-building.

Cons:

As many ways as there are to do this right, there are many more ways to do this wrong. This creates a whole lot of grey areas and blurred lines, and it's hard to know what's right and what's not. There are quite a lot of pitfalls you can fall into. However, if done right, this option can be the most fun.
The different terms for familiar things can get super clunky.
Sometimes, authors seem to forget that their fictional representation of the Bible is just that: fiction. Fantasy authors that choose this option sometimes write dedications and even write internet posts referring to God with their made-up fantasy name, and it's somewhat disturbing. We should never forget while writing fantasy like this that our fictional representation is just a fictional representation and should never start worshiping our idea of God rather than God Himself.

3. Nothing At All

   This option is kind of the opposite of the first one. In this option, you keep Christian morals in your story, but forego any references to the Christian faith except the extremely subtle ones. This is the option Tolkien used in Middle-Earth in The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings*. 

Pros:
None of the sticky situations present in the second options.
No deciding which rules are specific to Earth and which are fundamental to the Christian faith.
A little more leeway on magic.
Lots of freedom with world-building.
Reaches a wider audience.
Elves!

Cons:
No obvious Christian elements (prayer, conversion, Bible verses, etc.).
Christian themes have to be subtle.
Elves.

*Silmarillion not included. I feel like it doesn't really count.

   Option Three is the easiest one to pull off in the world of fantasy. No skirting around rules or inventing weird theology is necessary, just general Christian themes. However, as much of this frees up storytelling options in some areas, it also limits them in others. Sometimes, and especially depending on the author, option one or option two is the best way to go. However, as I mentioned before, these can get into uncomfortable theological situations that can cross the line and even sometimes border on blasphemous. So, how far is too far? Of course, it's impossible to know for sure, but here are some situations that should probably be avoided in most circumstances.

1. Putting a supposal on Earth
   This may seem a little obvious, but I read a Christian fantasy where seven random Earth kids were put in sleeper pods for no apparent reason and survived a nuclear war. They woke up to a post-apocalyptic Earth that was basically just a fantasy world with "radiation" to explain all the changes, and promptly meet "Goel", who's basically just Jesus. It would have been a decent fantasy series if set in another world, but to have this church-going kid and his new friends to immediately believe this mysterious dude who claims to lead a religion or something and then immediately start spreading "Goel's truth" to the world without even once making the connection that this sounds suspiciously like Christianity (and, on that note, immediately abandoning their presumed Christian faith for this new religion) was just weird. Also, post-nuclear war, there was no reason for Jesus to suddenly start walking the Earth again, except going by a different name. Plus, the Bible isn't really mentioned at all post-nuclear war, and the world eventually ends, but doesn't follow really any of the apocalyptic prophecies in Revelation. Don't use this option on Earth. Just don't.

2. Having entire scenes set in literal Heaven or Hell
   For this one, there are definitely exceptions. Notable ones are The Last Battle and Dagger's Sleep. But here's a hint: if your characters wind up seeing the literal Lake of Fire as described in the Book of Revelation, you've probably gone too far (especially if you're not even portraying a world ending, the characters just take a merry trip to see their enemies thrown into the Lake of Fire). A general rule for this is to use it super sparingly. After all, Heaven is perfect, which means there's not much room for strife in anything set in Heaven. Also, Heaven is indescribable and incomprehensible for us that are still on Earth, so the more you describe it, the less impact it's going to have. Finally, don't have a scene in Heaven as a cheap cop-out because you want to make readers feel better about the fact that you killed all your characters at the end of your story. You're not going to be able to recreate The Last Battle. Just acknowledge that you are a morbid writer. It doesn't make us feel better that your fictional characters went to fictional Heaven. They all died horrible deaths.
   Hell. I feel like I shouldn't have to elaborate on this, but apparently some authors haven't realized this isn't okay. First of all, Hell is literally Hell and way too freaky in its reality for any book scene. Second, you're never going to properly recreate Hell. Third, Christian characters should never ever take a visit down to Hell no matter what. Born-again Christians can't go to Hell. Remember Jesus telling the story of the rich man and Lazarus and how there's a gulf between the two places and men that can never be crossed? Fourth and finally, fantasy is a completely different genre than Pilgrim's Progess and Dante's Inferno. Those books are religious allegories, in which the setting of Hell is more appropriate. In pretty much any other genre, it's not.

3. Having an angel as a member of the questing party
   It's best to avoid having angels as characters at all, not the least because of the dangers of deus ex machina, but having an angel just...tag along on the quest? As a side character? No. No, no, no. Angels are not made in the image of God and do not have souls. They are not basically people. What angels actually are is pretty incomprehensible to the human brain. And you definitely shouldn't have scenes from the point of view of the angel.

4. In fact, it's probably best to keep angels and demons out of your fantasy story as much as possible
   Especially demons, and especially in the spiritual warfare vein. Either they're not going to be realistic and you're going to misrepresent them, or they will be realistic, in which case you're going to bring a level of horror to the story that most fantasy readers don't want. In addition, having a demon as the main villain is a bad idea for multiple writing reasons: First of all, it's simply tacky. Second, while you may think it raises the tensions and story stakes, it actually lowers them. After all, it's obvious the demon has to lose. (Sauron doesn't really count. Not only is he not even Satan, the readers don't know that he's supposed to be a demon unless they've already read The Silmarillion or live with an uber Tolkien nerd, and I hold that The Silmarillion doesn't really count.)

5. NO Biblical fantasies
   This pretty much applies only to fantasies set on Earth. Historical fiction set in Bible times is really good if done well, but fantasy shouldn't touch Bible stories. Don't ever, ever add your own fantasy twist to an Earthen Bible story. Any time you do that, it borders on blasphemous. Plus, it's really easy to get details wrong, which just doesn't look good. For instance, while I really like the character of Elam in Bryan Davis's Oracles of Fire series, it really bugs me that he was supposed to be Shem's son Elam. See, Elam in the series was kidnapped, wound up immortal, and was trapped underground for over a thousand years. He was kidnapped at too young of an age to marry or have kids, and yet Elam, Shem's son, in real life gave rise to an entire nation of Elamites which lasted for thousands of years until finally being assimilated into the Assyrian Empire.

6. The character of the Jesus figure doesn't resemble Jesus in the Gospels
   This one is pretty self-explanatory, but if your fantasy has a representation of Jesus, then the Jesus figure should resemble Jesus. You don't have to try and represent every aspect of Jesus. That's impossible. But it should be fairly obvious to readers, if not to the character, that the fictional character is supposed to represent Jesus. If you can go two-and-a-half books without the readers being sure whether the character is a generic Chosen One or a representation of Jesus, there is something fundamentally wrong with your representation of Jesus.

7. Scenes from the POV of the character that represents Jesus
   Yes, I have actually seen this in a book. Sadly, it's from an author I actually really respect. Although, I'm not entirely certain, because it's also the situation in the last scenario. However, the fact that I've gone over two books without being able to tell whether Telwyn is supposed to be the Messiah or not is disturbing. He's not enough like Jesus character-wise to properly represent Him, but there are enough resemblances for Telwyn to not be appropriate if he's just a random Chosen One a la Anakin Skywalker. Please, don't ever, ever have scenes from the point of view of a character supposed to represent Jesus. It's just wrong.

What are your favorite and least favorite fantasy stories?

P.S. I don't hate every story with elves. I like Legolas and Farrandel, and their respective series. It does, however, take a lot to win me over.

The Resistance Audio Book is Here!

After five years since publication, the first book of Jaye L. Knight's fantasy series, Ilyon Chronicles, is now available on audiobook! Enjoy this epic adventure through the voice of narrator Lance Rasmussen. Find out more and listen to the sample below. And don't forget to enter the giveaway! You can see the other tour posts here.

About the Book

"Don’t you know? Animals like you have no soul."

Could God ever love a half-blood all of society looks upon with such fear and disdain? Jace once believed so, but when a tragic loss shatters the only peace he’s ever known, his faith crumbles as the nagging doubts he’s tried to put behind him descend on his grieving heart. With them come the haunting memories of the bloodstained past he longs to forget, but can never escape.

Taken from home at a young age and raised to serve the emperor, Kyrin Altair lives every day under a dangerous pretense of loyalty. After her unique observation skills and perfect memory place her into direct service to the emperor, Kyrin finds herself in further jeopardy as it becomes increasingly difficult to hide her belief in Elôm, the one true God.

Following the emperor’s declaration to enforce the worship of false gods under the penalty of death, many lives are endangered. But there are those willing to risk everything to take a stand and offer aid to the persecuted. With their lives traveling paths they never could have imagined, Jace and Kyrin must fight to overcome their own fears and conflicts with society as they become part of the resistance.

Available now on Audible and iTunes!

Haven’t discovered the world of Ilyon yet? Find out more at the official Ilyon Chronicles website!

Book Sale!

Now is the perfect time to get into the series! Starting Friday, November 29th, all books from Ilyon Chronicles will be discounted. You can even get the prequel novella for free! So be sure to check them out on Amazon.

About the Author

Jaye L. Knight is an award-winning author, homeschool graduate, and shameless tea addict with a passion for Christian fantasy. Armed with an active imagination and love for adventure, Jaye weaves stories of truth, faith, and courage with the message that even in the deepest darkness, God’s love shines as a light to offer hope. She has been penning stories since the age of eight and resides in the Northwoods of Wisconsin.

You can connect with Jaye on her website, blog, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Etsy.

About the Narrator

Lance Rasmussen is an audiobook narrator and actor based in Denver, CO. A graduate with a BFA in Acting from Utah State University, and an MFA in Acting from Louisiana State University, he now narrates and produces audiobooks from his home studio while working at various regional theaters across the country. More information can be found at www.lanceras.com. Follow him on Instagram at @LCRasmus. 

Giveaway

Share in the excitement of the release and enter to win one of 3 copies of the Resistance audiobook! Winners will receive a free download code to use on Audible. Open internationally!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Review of Exiles and Interview with Jace

   That time has finally come! The time, that is, when my favorite author releases another book. I can't wait until I can hold this book in my hands!

Jaye L. Knight’s newest novel, Exiles, has been released! Exiles is the fourth book in the Christian fantasy series, Ilyon Chronicles. Read about it below and be sure to check out the other blog stops on the tour by visiting the official tour page. Don’t forget to enter the giveaway!

About the Book
Exiled after their defeat in Samara, the Resistance struggles to find allies in their quest to restore King Balen to his throne and put an end to the emperor’s tyranny. When the crete people refuse to lend their aid, Balen leads a group to Dorland to reason with them and win their support. However, enemies prove to be everywhere, and they find themselves in a fight to keep Dorland from becoming Daican’s latest conquest.

Back in Landale, the arrival of a new enemy forces Trask and Anne to tread more carefully than ever. Tensions are rising, and the enemy is determined to test Anne’s loyalty and root out the location of Trask and the Resistance once and for all.

Feeling trapped within the walls of Valcré, Prince Daniel must contend with an ever-eroding relationship with his father. As their clashes escalate, the situation becomes potentially life threatening when his loyalty is called into question. His sister seems bent on branding him a traitor and actively seeking to condemn him to the fate of those put to death in their father’s new arena. Daniel is certain his father would never execute his only son and heir, but with other forces at work, it might not be that simple.

One small misstep could prove fatal for all.

Available now on Amazon!

Haven’t discovered the world of Ilyon yet? The first three Kindle books are on sale August 11^th - 14^th!

You can find them on Amazon.

About the Author
Jaye L. Knight is an award-winning author, homeschool graduate, and shameless tea addict with a passion for Christian fantasy. Armed with an active imagination and love for adventure, Jaye weaves stories of truth, faith, and courage with the message that even in the deepest darkness, God’s love shines as a light to offer hope. She has been penning stories since the age of eight and resides in the Northwoods of Wisconsin.

You can connect with Jaye on her website, blog, Facebook, Twitter, and Etsy.





My Review

Oh. My. Goodness. This book is wonderful. Reading it was rather like going on Expedition Everest at the Animal Kingdom in Walt Disney World. Such an emotional roller-coaster.

In truth, I'd never understood the phrase "emotional roller-coaster" as referring to a book before. Now I know. Such highs and lows in such a short period of time! The book started out nice, slow, and pleasant (just like Expedition Everest does), but then takes an unexpected turn and sends readers on a wild ride! The emotional roller-coaster is due in part to the high death toll accumulated at the end of the book. One in particular was shocking and sad, and a certain other one completely took me by surprise. Let me just say, things can never be the same for our beloved characters after this book.

This book follows three different story lines, and, for all the many books I have read with multiple story lines, this is the first one I read where I was completely engrossed and interested in every one.

Our beloved characters are just as amazing as ever. Jace's struggles with the idea of marriage (and more than that, kids...) are honestly kind of adorable. Jace and Kyrin's relationship is as cute as ever, and if I don't stop now, I'll end up fangirling all over the place so I'll move on.

The plot, as I believe I mentioned before, was a roller-coaster ride. There were shocking plot twists, and near-death experiences. It was pretty epic.

In short, this book is amazing and y'all need to buy it as soon as possible. I certainly am going to.

I was also given the opportunity of sitting down with Jace and asking him a few questions. Check it out!

Welcome to my blog, Jace! I must say, it’s an honor to finally meet you. I’m glad you agreed to let me ask you some questions, so I’ll try not to ask too many uncomfortable ones.

*Jace’s smiles* Thank you, and you’re welcome.

What would you do if someone ever approached you asking to date your sister?

Well, that would depend on the man, and if I knew him well. I do want Elanor to be happy and have someone to take care of her. Of course, I would need to know if she had mutual interest. And I would probably have Kyrin talk to him to make sure he was honest and his intentions were honorable.

If a genie enslaved by the power of a magic lamp granted you three and only three wishes, what would you wish for (barring the obvious wish for more wishes)?

I would wish for peace in Ilyon and the ability to follow Elôm without persecution. I’d also wish that, if we were married, of course, to take Kyrin back to live on the farm by Kinnim. And, finally, I would wish for Kyrin to have her father back so she could have her family together again.

If you were given the ability to time travel, when would you go?

Back to the day Kyrin’s father left for Valcré. I would warn him of the danger and not let him go. That is, if I didn’t have those three wishes.

I’m sorry for being terribly mean, but I’m also terribly curious, so please don’t freak out too much. What would you do if you wound up in the arena again?

*Jace smiles slightly* I think I’m starting to get used to these questions. *he grows serious* I’m not sure what I would do. Facing a man in an arena is not like facing him on a battlefield. Neither one of us has a choice at being there. It’s not like facing a clear enemy. I’ve always wondered whether I was right to fight or if I should have refused despite the consequences. I don’t know what choice I would make now.

Again, I’m sorry for the question. Here are some shortbread cookies to make up for it. And finally, on a happier note, if your adorable wolf Tyra ever had a bunch of puppies (say ten or so), how many of them would you keep?

*he takes a cookie* Thank you. As for the puppies, it would depend on who else would take some. I wouldn’t give them to just anyone. But I would probably keep two or three.

I don't know what to say to wrap this whole thing up, so...I guess I'll just leave it at that.


Share in the excitement of the release and enter to win a themed giveaway pack! Prizes include an autographed copy of Exiles, a pewter dragon necklace by treasurecast, and a sword letter opener! (Giveaway is open to US residents only. Cannot be shipped internationally.)

a Rafflecopter giveaway