Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Men Prefer Girls Who Have Been Shut Up in a Basement Their Entire Life

*This is satire and should not be taken seriously*   

   Despite the fact that I am in fact female and am not a psychologist, I am definitely an authority on what guys like in women and how you should arrange your entire life to ensure catching one.
   Guys hate girls that go to college, because every single guy that might ask you out disagrees one hundred percent with every single college on the planet. When girls go to college, they learn things. Some of these things will be contrary to what every guy on the planet believes in, so girls should definitely never go to college, because disagreement between married couples in anything can lead to divorce, which is from Satan. Women are gullible, and whenever anybody tells them something is true, they believe it, which makes college especially dangerous for them. (It's perfectly okay for men to go to college. They're strong-minded and can never be swayed from any minor tenet of their beliefs which are already exactly correct at age eighteen.)
   A female with a job will never be dated. All women with jobs are feminist social justice warriors who hate men and love protesting, or something like that. Whatever the reason, I'm perfectly convinced that any woman who has a job will die alone or marry a godless Satan-worshiper who vaccinates his children and doesn't use essential oils. You could even end up married to a man who hasn't read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, God-breathed just like the rest of Scripture. Can you say #unequallyyoked?
   Also a big turn-off for guys are marks on the skin. Any female with marks on her skin is violating that verse in the Bible forbidding tattoos. Freckles? More like SATAN MARKS! God said not to put marks on your skin, so clearly you're violating the Bible here. True women have surgery to get freckles removed. To be honest, even tanned skin is kind of sketchy. It's not like you were born that way! To be safe, just stay in a dark room at all times to avoid any kind of Satan marks. The ideal women should have skin whiter than Snow White herself.
   All women know that the only thing worth doing in your life is getting married, so get out there and stay in your basement and let's do this thing! Guys will come flocking to your dad in no time.

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

The Truth About Secession

   Secession. This subject tends to come around every once in a while, generally any time a state is especially mad at the federal government. It meets with varying degrees of approval depending on the person and the state proposing secession (I know we're all secretly hoping California will secede from the Union so we don't have to deal with them again). Most states have probably proposed secession at one time or another, Texas being among the most frequent. In the most recent posts about Texas secession, amidst the Texas pride that of course they can make it on their own and be super successful are the commentators shooting down the idea with the words "Of course they don't have any more right to secede than any other state does." By which they were trying to imply that they couldn't secede.
   The general populace seems to agree that states aren't allowed to secede from the Union, and whenever you try to ask them why, they say, "Well, it doesn't say they can in the Constitution." In fact, the general populace seems to agree that the US Constitution bans secession. Here, I'd like to examine the arguments against secession and determine whether or not they are valid.

Argument #1: This issue has already been decided by the Civil War. That's why the North fought the South.
   This is one of the weakest arguments. If you examine source documents, for quite a few months after the Southern states proposed secession, everyone in the North was in favor of their power to do so, and indeed, wished them well. Virginia didn't even consider seceding until the Federal government grossly violated the Constitution by sending armed troops to invade their state, an action expressly prohibited in the US Constitution. True, the Supreme Court decided that the South's secession had been "definitely and forever overthrown" by the Civil War, but outcomes forced by military action are a far cry from actions examined by a court and declared unconstitutional. The British Empire tried to forcibly keep many of their colonies from leaving, and yet nobody doubts the validity of the United States or India as nations. Military actions cannot decide legal precedents. Also, many scholars claim that the Civil War was fought over slavery or the Morril Tariff, so universally deciding that this issue has been decided by the Civil War is impossible. 

Argument #2: The Articles of Confederation ban secession, and they weren't actually expressly repealed, so they're still in effect.
   We all know the story of the US Constitution. They got up a convention to fix the Articles of Confederation, but ended up replacing it completely, the key word here being replace. No, the words, "The Articles of Confederation are hereby repealed" are not in the US Constitution. But that doesn't mean they weren't repealed in it. Indeed, the Constitution does repeal the Articles of Confederation: "This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in Pursuance thereof; and all Treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the United States, shall be the supreme Law of the Land". The Articles of Confederation are not laws, nor are they a treaty, and therefore are not counted as the supreme Law of the Land according to this clause. Whatever the Articles of Confederation meant by "perpetual Union" is irrelevant since they are not legally binding today.

Argument #3: Article 1 Section 10 of the US Constitution states that "No State shall enter into any Treaty, Alliance, or Confederation", thereby banning secession.
   Abraham Lincoln used this argument to claim the government of the Confederate States of America was invalid. If the Southern states had entered into this confederation without seceding, indeed he would have been right. But this clause only applies to states actually in the Union, and the Southern states did not consider themselves part of the United States of America once they had voted for secession. The validity of Abraham Lincoln's argument about the CSA's government hinges upon whether the states were truly not part of the Union anymore. This question cannot be decided by this clause.

Argument #4: The Fourteenth Amendment implicitly bans secession.
   This is the hardest to refute since words can "imply" anything, and implications tend to be a matter of opinion. This being said, the only reference to states in the Fourteenth Amendment is to ban states already in the Union from denying their civilians freedoms guaranteed by the US Constitution or supporting laws and does not touch on the actions of states as collective entities.

Argument #5: Six former Confederate states banned secession in their state constitutions.
   Those state constitutions were made under duress and could easily be considered voidable. Also, state constitutions are very easily amended. Furthermore, this is a ban on a state level, not a federal level, and cannot be enforced or viewed as such. Several states also have official religions and languages, which the federal government is banned from doing. 

Argument #6: The Pledge of Allegiance states that the United States is "one nation, indivisible." The word "indivisible" means cannot be divided, and so secession is banned by the Pledge of Allegiance.
   This is about the worst argument of the bunch. The Pledge of Allegiance is not legally binding and simply exists to inspire patriotism. It is considered by Congress to be a national symbol, on the level of the National Anthem and the bald eagle. 

   So secession is nowhere expressly or implicitly banned. But are arguments for the legality of secession simply arguments from silence? Not quite. I submit two pieces of evidence: one from the Declaration of Independence and one from the US Constitution.
   "That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,--That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government,....it is their right, it is their duty to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."
   "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people."
   I could submit further arguments, such as the fact that Virginia, Rhode Island, and New York ratified the US Constitution solely on the condition of explicitly retaining the right to secede, and the US government acknowledging that also acknowledges the power of any state to secede. However, I believe that this is enough. Secession is nowhere banned by the US Constitution, so, pursuant to the Tenth Amendment, that power is reserved to the States, or to the people. This isn't even a radical idea. Ireland seceded. Scotland has full power to, but voted not to. Britain is leaving the EU. Puerto Rico has the power to become an independent country, they just keep voting against it. The United States seceded from the UK. Our states only became states by voting to accept the US Constitution (which is why Delaware is the first state). All a state would have to do to secede would be to vote in its state legislature to reject it. This isn't actually a hard issue and it shouldn't be. 
   So, if California really wants to leave the Union (pretty please?) or Texas sincerely thinks they can make it on their own, go ahead. They have the power and the right to leave the Union. It's how our nation was founded, after all.

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Thirteen statements from the United States (The Declaration of Independence by Google Translate)

   I'm a big fan of Malinda Kathleen Reese's Google Translate videos, and, in honor of Independence Day, I decided to send the Declaration of Independence through many different languages in Google Translate and see what came out. Enjoy!

   July 4, 1776, in parliament.
   However, in the suit that the event supposed to separate the bonds of some of the political characters between them seems to be separate from the station deserves another opinion of the earth, in the nature of the natural forces, US Congress, which has been confirmed. This type of program can only be displayed. .
   All human beings, including the search for freedom and equal rights of creators from certain felicitas.- to ensure this right. Try this truth clearly so that the government provides people with the approval of the power of observation and design, the self - not, the people, the government, the end of harm to form edited or deleted, it is theoretically included in the new auto mode in a database, every time the power has access to safety, it is fun, they have to be affected. The previous system of injury history, which is the current history of King Grandbituuzo ball, must meet all the requirements for the torture of this situation in full. Prove that, in reality it will be presented in the same world.
   He abandoned consent in October, but most importantly, it was very important for the community.
   In order to delay the submission of a case before Adoption of an individual, the law is linked to a quick and essential basis for Adoption administrators. They have been suspended, will not be able to cure.
   He encouraged large people, but only the right of presentation on the market and in the Congress, there was no need to pass the law on human will and the poor matrix.
   Organizations are called laws, damage to the population and the loss of a common control of public policy, not paying fidelity.
   A typical room bouts heavy legal lawn of troops.
   However, it is after a disaster, a long time, does not want to choose people. God's law, the power of God always exists. Because it can not be said, because, as a rule, it will return to people to practice. the threat of time for all attacks from overseas remains, that is, there is a pond.
   He is not in any way trying to make the population invisible to the public. Foreign citizenship law to encourage foreign naturalization due to cultivate new land, forgotten creation drugihov.
   Perfect justice has been beaten, refused to accept legal position in order to establish manageable authority.
   In order to determine the desire, the zodiac Quorum and the paid wages that are able to maintain.
   Need to, established a new office, we do a lot of ministers of the wild goats here.
   At the time of the pirates, this constant field was occupied among us without the consent of the military. Neptatuhaan because of its electrical transmission, in addition to the law of its external authority from the government or civilian, the shift can be attributed to other rights, for example, we have learned. so-called law of the contract of action:
   Our army is a good neighbor:
   In order to protect them against malpractice, patent protection should apply to older people:
   Worldwide we have damaged our business:
   Unauthorized taxes
   In many cases, the jury limits the test facility:
   We will try to let them take them out of the ocean
   Administrative law is an example of ridicule with the free English system and any maximum limit as a means of entering the same network of colonialism:
   Take your word and clear the most famous laws and changes based on our leadership:
   Take a legislative meeting and report your investments in all areas.
   He condemned the government, announced and instructed state insurance.
   Destroy our ocean, destroy our enemies, burn our city and destroy our lives
   Our citizens are armed weapons against states with a harbor who take friends or brothers or fall into their hands.
internal confrontations between us representing our people Savile Savages Indian, a familiar war for all ages, sexual destruction, and undesirable circumstances.
   The following conditions apply at all levels of this discount: Requirements are repeated only on frequency. The character of the prince is characterized by all the features that can be freely identified and are not equal to the loyal masters.
   Do we want to ignore British demolition? From time to time we draw attention to unacceptable claims. Here we remember the immigration situation and the decision. We have emphasized the right administration, justice and the elimination of our age for young adults, which will lead to our relationship and correspondence. They are deaf to the words of justice and expertise. That is why we must recognize the need to divide ourselves and the declaration if we continue to overcome peace, war and enemy peace.
   The implementation of the British Crown as part of global disarmament and the ending of the national and political solidarity of the United Kingdom as a free and independent state can fulfill all the other tasks and the ability of the last generation to fight and peace and persecution of the Treaty and the establishment of exchanges or not. This hypermetropic statement has a strong defense for the weekend, which means we all believe in the fate of Lakeahna and St. Anagaotna.

For reference, here is the original text:
   In Congress, July 4, 1776.
   The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
   We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
   He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
   He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
   He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
   He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
   He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
   He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
   He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
   He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
   He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
   He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
   He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
   He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
   He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
   For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
   For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
   For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
   For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
   For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
   For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
   For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
   For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
   For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
   He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
   He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
   He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
   He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
   He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
   In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
   Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
   We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

Monday, July 2, 2018

Just Chill

   North Korea. Russian collusion. ISIS. Trump. Blue wave. Red wave. Gay rights. Anthony Kennedy retiring.
   Please stop hyperventilating. I swear everything is going to be all right.
   2016, was, admittedly, not a pleasant year. But 2017 wasn't the worst year on the planet. America is not dying. We are not in the worst nation on the planet. Nobody is going to be rounded up into American concentration camps. Nobody is purposefully plotting to take your rights away. Nobody cares what ethnicity you are. The Republicans are not a bunch of Nazis. The Democrats are not a bunch of Nazis.
   The Antichrist is not on this world (just because someone's sinful doesn't make them Satan, guys). There aren't more earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, wars, rumors of wars, and people starving than in times past. We just don't have worldwide records of times past. The world is not more sinful than it has been before (and please don't start talking about homosexuals or abortion, it's all been around longer than Israel was a nation the first time around). Say it with me slowly: THE WORLD IS NOT ENDING.
   Is the world messed up? Yes, but no more than it has been for the six thousand years it's been hanging around. Is America a paradise? No, but we're never going to live in heaven on earth, so why are we all freaking out? We're not going to die, your "enemies" don't hate your guts, nobody is going to take your rights away, and you don't live in the next Nazi Germany. So please stop moaning and hyperventilating and mourning the death of your country and just breathe. You're going to be fine. I promise.
   And maybe, just maybe, America is doing better than you think. It's worth a thought.
   So please, and I mean this with all the compassion in my heart:

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