Tuesday, December 11, 2018

The Worst Christmas Songs Ever

   Okay, so maybe it's not that dramatic, but this is a list of all the Christmas songs most everyone seems to hate. Not ranked in any particular order.

Last Christmas
   Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. The very next day, you gave it away... Ugh, I've got it in my head now. Most of the hate for this song seems to stem from the utter annoyingness and stupidity of the words and the catchiness of the tune. Why would somebody write a song that annoying and pass it off as a Christmas song so we have to listen to it every year instead of letting it die away into oblivion? Seriously. 

Santa Baby
   This song is about a selfish woman demanding things from Santa whilst simultaneously flirting with him. No wonder so many people hate it. Also, it can be very easy to get it stuck in your head, which can condemn even good songs to the hate list (hello, "Reckless Love").

Baby, It's Cold Outside
   This song has recently created a stir by being banned from many radio stations. No matter your political affiliations, I think we should all say, "It's about time!" Even if it's not technically about date rape, it's still about a man pressing a woman to stay with him even after she keeps saying no, citing not hurting his pride as a good reason to stay. It's certainly not a sweet Christmas duet. In fact, the only thing in the song that somewhat kind of references Christmas is the temperature ("it's cold outside"). It's not even really a Christmas song, so why pull it out every season?

The Christmas Shoes
   This song gives you emotional trauma over a kid who wants to buy his dying mother some shoes because he doesn't realize you can't take it with you. News flash: your mama isn't going to meet Jesus in those shoes. Stop making everybody cry with your sob story. And, please, dear radio stations, stop subjecting innocent people to this song. It's just not nice.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
   Oh, what a laugh it would have been it Daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night! The fact that this little kid not only is not traumatized by finding out his mom is supposedly having an affair with Jolly Old St. Nick, but thinks it would be hilarious if Daddy found out is enough to put this on the hate list. This isn't cute. It's creepy. And I can't believe I have piano music for this song.

The Little Drummer Boy
   I actually really like half of this song. But the rest? It's as if the writers of the lyrics were certain the listeners wouldn't know what a drum was if they didn't throw in "pa rum pum pum pum" after every phrase. You could be a bit more inventive and put in more lyrics about Jesus that don't assume the listeners are idiots. The constant pa rum pum pum pums get really redundant.

   I could probably extend this list, but these seem to be the ones at the top of the list for most people. What's your least favorite Christmas song?


No comments:

Post a Comment